It's Not About Me.

     Being saved isn't easy, and having not been saved even a full two years has proved to have its' struggles as well. Lately I have been realizing that there is one very specific lesson that I must learn before I can move on: humility. Now, so I do not sound like a sob story, this is not a lesson that is specific to myself, it is one everyone struggles with, I just need to learn.
     Being a music student in college, I am eager to try my hand at a number a facits within my field, my most resent endeavor being song writing. I've written songs before, but when I realized that I was trying to write Christians songs for self-glorification...well, passing over the total conundrum of that, it was a block. Recently I have sat down and tried to write music and haven't been able to, everything escapes me.
     I think the thing I and so many other struggle with is the idea that nothing we do is for ourselves. It's a hard idea to swallow that no matter how hard believers work, we don't do it for ourselves. We are in service to Gods' glory. Our sweat, blood, and tears are for Him. It's hard, it really is. How do you get over the fact that when you work you should take no props from it? We did it, why don't we get anything from it? Well, we do get something from it. Jesus' sermon on the mount tells us not to store up our Earthly treasures but to store up our Heavenly treasures in our one true God. No, we don't get immediate satisfaction, but we are rewarded through His mercy and love for us. We are rewarded by the thought that no matter our follies and failures, GOD, the savior of all humanity, is up there smiling down upon us waiting for the day that we stand HUMBLED before Him in His infinite glory. Guys, it's not about what we do for Him, it's about what He did for us. Guys! It's not about what we do. PERIOD. No matter what we do, it should be only to glorify HIM. If you fail, do you expect praise? We all fail, He is the forgiving teacher. When we fall, He is the father who scoops us from the ground. When we break and lay motionless on the ground weeping, He sits on the ground next to us, looks deep into our eyes with a gaze that penetrates the deepest parts of our being and whispers, "I love you, I will NEVER leave your side."
     Guys! It's not about us, it's about Him!

Through Christ "we are free to struggle, we are not struggling to be free."

The Struggle - Tenth Avenue North

The Next Chapter.

     As this summer began things were super awkward. Both Island Lake and Miracle Ranch had nearly completely new staffs with just a few returners, so those of us who had been at camp longer than just the short training week felt quite awkward getting out there now that we were the ones supposed to be inviting, not the ones being invited. But, fortunately, this did not last long.
     As the summer went on the staff grew closer and closer. Yeah, we had our little snags at the beginning and still here and there; but for the most part, we were close. Myself especially grew quite close to a group of solid friends--a couple of whom I had known from last summer--who would come to be some of the best friends I have ever had.
     It was definitely a much more difficult summer than I had experienced last year not only because I was now on college staff and being held up to a higher standard, but because camps is growing in popularity and we simply always had someone to cater to. Towards the end especially the difficulty mounted. Many of us, myself included, took on many more tasks than were in our job description, and some of us simply took on multiple job titles at the end--myself holding the titles of Paintball Supervisor, Ropes Course Facilitator, AV sound person, and Assistant Rec Staff Coordinator. But all the work was worth it.
     When working at camp you get this feeling that you are part of something much bigger than yourself; that's because you are. You are part of a sort of chain link fence that holds together to keep out those unwanted desires and beings. Now, in this chain link fence, the whole is only as strong as the weakest link, but the whole holds together stronger when someone has fallen. In times of trouble, you form bonds in Christ that you wouldn't have seen without the turmoil.
     As summer drew to an end, rather than deciding simply to attend college, I applied to be an intern at Crista Camps. To keep this story short, I did not get the internship because leadership felt I was called to be at school, so I came to school; this turn of events, though I miss camp, was a great decision. Though only in my first week of school, I have gained friendships that will last at the very least, through school, and had forged an even stronger bond with God than I had before. God did intend for me to be here.
     And as this new chapter in my life begins I've begun to look back at all the friendships I've gained and lost, all the friends I have left behind to attend college (some of which are my very best friends), the family that has supported me all these years despite my negative attitude; these are not memories to be forgotten, no they are to be treasured. I shall see my friends again, soon even, but as for everything that has changed, God does not dwell in the past. Jesus forgives the wrongs and moves on towards the realization of a greater plan, of His plan. I'm just one piece of that puzzle.


P.S. Just to alleviate some questions now, I'm not ditching old friends ;-)