It has come to a point here when the only times I write here are when it is late at night when I am away from school and therefore normal life--to put it another way, when I'm feeling reminiscent. You guys last heard from me last April when I wrote an extensive post about my thoughts on the How I Met Your Mother series finale. Though a slight departure from my usual ramblings, it is not without meaning. There have been several other allusions to sitcoms within my writings here, which should tell you all something about myself.
It has often been a problem that when confronted by turmoil I do one of two things: I either run headlong into it, seeking to take it down like some kind of rabid animal (that is to say, I am too harsh/blunt), OR I turn and walk away. If I can ignore the problem, maybe it will go away. If I retreat maybe the problem will see that I mean it no harm and leave me be. I would like to add here that this is not the case for all matters, but a great deal too many.
I will return to those issues in a moment, but before I do, I'd like to preface it with some backstory. Since you have last heard from me I have since returned to Multnomah. After my last post in April I stepped into "normal" life which for me meant a normal 5-6 day a week job, leading worship at my home church, meanwhile balancing many relationships I had left behind, as well as those that were right in front of me. It seemed simple enough, but as it would seem, I don't do "normal" life very well. I became bored very quickly. I loved leading worship and I definitely loved having the opportunity to step back into relationships that I had otherwise either not seen fully developed or had nearly left behind. Beyond that I became disillusioned and bored.
This is an example of me running away. There were good parts, sure, but being on the other side now, I see my mistake. I became tired, relying on the wrong things to get me through. I left school, came home, got a part time job, took up a volunteer position, and had fun, but it wouldn't last. I don't know if it was that I couldn't see or if I refused, but the mistake was in front of me, it happened. I took time off that I assumed would be immensely satisfying, but it wasn't. I was completely and ridiculously exhausted after that semester, but instead of continuing to face the beast, I turned tail and walked away. They say when God closes a door He opens a window, and I'd like to think that is what happened. I left school and the door was closed, but I ended up having the opportunity to lead worship and have some fun; the window was cramped, and eventually I would get through, but it wasn't the best option if given the choice.
There is a beauty I find in sitcoms and really just television in general that seems to envelop me. You have a small window by which you see these characters, but by the end of that episode the problem is either resolved or very close to resolution. It's so simple; so formulaic. I often claim that I like to look at problems very simply, but I position my life in the most opposite direction. I like to look at life simply, though I seem to put myself in the most complex situations. I want life to be easy, but I don't want to be bored. I want the simple answer, but I've been given the most difficult equation. As I mentioned before, I too often have two responses to my problems, crash into them or walk away. These are very easy answers to very hard problems. Life does not always present itself in simple 1+1=2-esk issues. Life deals in calculus--that is to say, life's problems are not to be dealt with lightly.
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In late August I returned to Multnomah. Everything moved quickly. Within the month of August I decided to leave, put in my two weeks at work, announced I was leaving my church position, discussed the tolls my being gone would have with my then girlfriend, applied back to school, got accepted, and left. Do you know what assuming does? I claim to know, yet it always comes back to bite me in the...butt. See what I did there? Anyway, I left for school with too many assumptions. I assumed I would have a job waiting for me. For nearly a month I had been attempting to work with my current job to transfer to a Portland/Vancouver store so I might simply continue working. I assumed I would be able to transition from a working life back into a life as a student easily. I assumed I would be able to pick up where I left off with all of my friends. I assumed my finances would somehow work themselves out--though this kind of goes with me assuming to have a job. I assumed my relationship wouldn't fall apart.
Needless to say, nothing went as planned. For nine months I had spent a great deal of time by myself, becoming isolated and introverted. I was more used to being by myself than with people, especially with people my own age, most the people I worked with being decades older than myself. I didn't take this into account. I digress however. When I arrived in Portland, it began to fall apart. Though I thought my job situation would be worked out, I was dropped from the system after only a few emails and even fewer attempts to aid me. Transitioning from simple work to being a student again was anything but easy, especially in the path I had taken. My friends, though they had kept constant contact and invited me in, had continued within their own lives. My finances began to fall apart with student loan companies claiming I owed them money, badgering myself and my great grandmother (who happens to be my loan cosigner) for money even though the error was on their side, not mine; this was not to be aided by my now unemployed status, nor the fact that I had become a commuting student as was driving significant distances every day for school. And the cherry on the top of the ice cream that was my life, after barely a month of me being away, my girlfriend and I parted ways.
My life was in shambles. I wanted only to distract myself with tv and useless conversations about comic books, but the beast wouldn't remain sated for long. Though I could turn and ignore things like a broken relationship and finances, I couldn't ignore friends, I couldn't ignore school. I would continue to pretend like nothing was wrong, remaining emotionally distant, saying little about what was actually troubling me, only showing signs of wear on the outside.
I spent the majority of the month of October attempting to hide the fact that though I seemed fine, on the inside I was one sentence or image away from bottoming out again. I don't have a crutch so to speak, I just like to pretend everything is okay. If you smile enough you'll actually start to smile, if you start to laugh eventually you'll actually start laughing; that's what I did. I put on the smile, I laughed at the jokes, I would convince myself I was fine, but the slightest hint of my broken relationship or problems I was having would leave me in a tailspin. The truth is that I spent the majority of the month of October and a great deal of November berating myself and breaking down panicking that things would not end well. This was new for me. Not the berating part, but the panicking. I don't really panic. I'm usually able to take things as they come and move forward, but not this time. Too much was happening all at once. It doesn't seem like much, but I had left myself in a state that did not enable my normal "fight or flight" responses. It is here that the normal lesson learning time begins.
In retrospect I realize that my previous sentiments about my "last" semester being the hardest was total crap. That semester left me exhausted, sure, but this had left me broken. No contingency plan. No big solution to come up with like usual. There was no easy fix. It wasn't and isn't a "done and done" situation. One of the things that drove my aforementioned girlfriend crazy was that I tried to fix everything. Rather than just let things happen, rather than just sit and listen, I always tried to have a solution. It was "simple." I want to fix the problem, but some problems can't be fixed, they must be experienced. I'm going to sound so incredibly cheesy, but the quote that comes to mind when I say all of this is,
"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."
Yes, this is a quote straight out of The Fault in Our Stars, written by John Green who just so happens to be one of my favorite people--and no, I couldn't tell anything about the context of the quote, but that isn't important here. The point I am trying to make here is that pain doesn't have an easy cure. It will be felt; it has to be felt. This is a motto that I have fought against almost my entire life. I used to think the world was simple; all the opportunity is out there, it's your job to run to it. There is an extent to which I still believe the latter of that sentiment, though the former has been sufficiently stomped out of me. The world is hard. I get it. Really.
Thus, I kept going. There was no easy fix, there was no walking away, so I kept pushing forward. I readjusted to life as a student. I even found a job. I have the opportunity of becoming the worship leader for a church in Vancouver. I found my place among my friends again. I stumbled through the remainder of my semester, but I made it. There was a point during which I lost excitement for anything, but even that I got back in the form of several new projects, but that's another topic for another time. I even got some closure on a broken relationship.
No, I haven't learnt my lesson, I'm still learning. Not all problems have an easy fix. Life is an experience, not a series of math equations. Pray. I know you've all been waiting for me to say that with baited breath. I would not have gotten through any of this without God on my side. I keep saying "I" did this and "I" did that, but though I may feel some modicum of accomplishment for having made it through, I didn't do it alone. The only reason I made it is because God heard those prayers I begged out when panicking and answered them. Though not always in the way I would have liked, my prayers were answered.
I feel as if this all seems to come from some naive person, so let me set somethings straight. I wasn't some innocent child before this all happened, nor did I think the world "honest." I knew the world to be a cruel place, I knew the problems. I understood there were things that couldn't just be solved, but in my ignorance I failed to believe that there were problems in my own life that I couldn't just fix. I hope you don't read this whole thing as if from the point of view of some sullied child, but from the point of view...of, well, just about anything/anyone else.
For the last few weeks I have been sitting around during the Christmas break doing basically nothing, which has left me with tons of time to reflect. It's been a hard route, but it's been worth it. I hurt, still, but it'll pass with time. No easy fix. Since April I have remained silent here because I didn't believe I had anything worth saying on here. I wanted anything I posted, if I posted anything again, to have weight, I didn't want it to be something fleeting.
With all of that said, I have some sincere thank you's to dole out, and don't worry, you most likely already know how thankful I am. First off, thank you so much to my mom for being there to talk or help me out financially, even when I didn't want it. Thank you to my friends who never gave up on me or left when I decided to be a complete a@#, you guys are really awesome. If you are a teacher I had this semester and reading this, thank you so much for passing me, it really means a lot. Really, thank you to any of you who put up with me when I wasn't ready to talk or was otherwise stubborn, thank you for sticking with me.
So, it's with that I sum things up. Everyone acknowledges that sitcoms aren't a real depiction of life. Sitcom is literally a shortening of "situational comedy," which betrays fleeting. In sitcoms the problems are fleeting (though they can be difficult) and the solutions simple. If everyone acknowledges a fatal flaw such as that in something so popular, why is it we continue to watch them? We want an escape. Sitcoms offer to us what life does not, a complex problem with a simple answer. They are an amalgam of life's problems shoved into a half hour time slot once a week. It is what we wish life was like, but we aren't quite as lucky.
So it is that I sit here, blasting The Hush Sound through my headphones at 3:43 in the morning on New Years Eve, writing to tell you that 2014 has chewed me up and spit me out. I've bottomed out and somehow gotten up again, but I wouldn't redo a single moment. Life is not a complex problem with a simple answer and I believe in a Savior who will always be there for me. I hope you read this and take something, no matter how small, with you into 2015. It's sure to be a good year.
In case I don't write anything more for a long time, or ever again, thank you so much for reading and don't forget what I've written. Also, I deeply apologize if this whole thing is completely gibberish, it is almost 4:00 AM. For those of you who are crazy enough to read this so early in the morning I say, "good morning!" but for the rest of you are still sleeping or won't read this for many months to come I say Happy New Year.
And as usual, thank you for reading :-)
-- Josh
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Rock is NOT Against God.
A few days ago I was listening to "Oceans," a song off of Hillsongs Zion album, and I was absentmindedly scrolling through the comments. As you might suspect, there were some rather "unchristian" comments and commenters to be found. It was not the random anti-Jesus posts amidst the many worshipful posts that surprised me, it was one of the last comments on the page that caught me off guard. I won't be quoting the post here, but it did claim that the arm movements of the singer were of the occultic womb, it grouped catholic and witches together, claimed that her crescendos supported the occultic womb thing, claimed that because of all the symbolism being used they couldn't attribute it to simple coincidence, they said the star of David was the same as a pentagram, and to conclude, they said the circular stage was the equivalent of worshiping the universe...and such. I wasn't sure what he was going on about....The Hillsong concert at which the video was taken was the Colour Conference at the Sydney Opera House (or so someone else said).
It wasn't even the obscure cultish claims that I had the biggest problem with,--those left me mostly just confused--it was a claim he (or she) made in the middle about something completely different. They said, "also, rock and roll is of the devil so this is definitely not a christian song."
First off, I must question their logic. What they are saying is that Hillsong, a group formed straight out of a church, is not a Christian group. What? I'm wasn't even sure how to respond. It was the claim before that which bugged me most, however, "rock and roll is of the devil." Now, this claim I sort of understand. I DON'T agree, but I understand it far more than them saying Hillsong were not Christian.
After questioning what this guy (girl) was on about, I wanted to do some research. I found a couple of sites that gave me what they thought were their top reasons why "rock and roll" was against God or the rules for ANY music to be Christian. I found verses that "supported" their arguments and "reasons" that stated why rock supported Satan (especially those Christian rockers "who are just deceivers").
My next step was to look up some of these verses. Upon looking these up I noticed one thing, these verses that supposedly supported their arguments did not address music directly, but rather a list of values. It is true that famous "rock stars" don't have a reputation for being the most wholesome of people, but this cannot be attributed to the music. Music DOES have an effect on people, but this effect is specific to the person. People are bad role models, not music. What I found hilarious, was that there happened to be two verses I saw that directly addressed music, but the article I found them in disregarded them as not relevant.
So, the verses were inconclusive on the music, what about the reasons? The reasons I found seemed to just reiterate the the same values arguments--which kind of begs the question why didn't I start with the reasons then talk about the verses that supported them (whoops). Some of the reasons I found, and this is an abbreviated list, are these...
1. Rock encourages the use of illegal drugs.
2. Rock promotes promiscuity and "whoredom."
3. Rock encourages us not to read our bibles.
4. Drums are the instrument of Satan.
Ok, so...what? This is just four of a bunch of reasons I found, and I'm just speechless. There was one reason that included a short bit about how rock promoted false peace that distracted us from a war that God ordained us to win. I digress....My point is that these reasons don't encompass the music, they address the people who play it. Granted, in the past, you have seen these traits exhibited a lot by rock artists, but these are not traits ONLY exhibited by rock musicians. Let's look at the other end of the spectrum: classical music. Classical artists can also do these things. Classical music also uses drums, classical artists also use drugs, and they can also sleep around. The problem isn't the music, it's the people. It's all about people.
That's it. When it comes down to it, we only have God to look to, and the bible does not have anything explicitly against rock music. It is people who would rather blame the whole company for the actions of a few people. Rather than putting thought into the actions of people, it would seem easier just to blame their beliefs, but that doesn't make it right.
I happen to love rock music, but I tried to take as little bias as I could. I looked up the majority of the verses I was presented with and in conclusion I have only this to say, follow God. When in doubt and in times of trial, look to Jesus. The music you listen to does not necessarily dictate who you are, it only does if you follow the bad examples the music industry has given to us. Why let those standards stay though? I say we ought to show a new face of rock. Let's change the standard. Be honest and Godly people. Allow God to envelop your music, even if it isn't directly Christian allow the Holy Spirit soak your life and His love bleed through.
*UPDATE* I have no idea why part of the article is highlighted, I've tried to fix it and...I can't, I'm ashamed. I'm sorry guys!
It wasn't even the obscure cultish claims that I had the biggest problem with,--those left me mostly just confused--it was a claim he (or she) made in the middle about something completely different. They said, "also, rock and roll is of the devil so this is definitely not a christian song."
First off, I must question their logic. What they are saying is that Hillsong, a group formed straight out of a church, is not a Christian group. What? I'm wasn't even sure how to respond. It was the claim before that which bugged me most, however, "rock and roll is of the devil." Now, this claim I sort of understand. I DON'T agree, but I understand it far more than them saying Hillsong were not Christian.
After questioning what this guy (girl) was on about, I wanted to do some research. I found a couple of sites that gave me what they thought were their top reasons why "rock and roll" was against God or the rules for ANY music to be Christian. I found verses that "supported" their arguments and "reasons" that stated why rock supported Satan (especially those Christian rockers "who are just deceivers").
My next step was to look up some of these verses. Upon looking these up I noticed one thing, these verses that supposedly supported their arguments did not address music directly, but rather a list of values. It is true that famous "rock stars" don't have a reputation for being the most wholesome of people, but this cannot be attributed to the music. Music DOES have an effect on people, but this effect is specific to the person. People are bad role models, not music. What I found hilarious, was that there happened to be two verses I saw that directly addressed music, but the article I found them in disregarded them as not relevant.
So, the verses were inconclusive on the music, what about the reasons? The reasons I found seemed to just reiterate the the same values arguments--which kind of begs the question why didn't I start with the reasons then talk about the verses that supported them (whoops). Some of the reasons I found, and this is an abbreviated list, are these...
1. Rock encourages the use of illegal drugs.
2. Rock promotes promiscuity and "whoredom."
3. Rock encourages us not to read our bibles.
4. Drums are the instrument of Satan.
Ok, so...what? This is just four of a bunch of reasons I found, and I'm just speechless. There was one reason that included a short bit about how rock promoted false peace that distracted us from a war that God ordained us to win. I digress....My point is that these reasons don't encompass the music, they address the people who play it. Granted, in the past, you have seen these traits exhibited a lot by rock artists, but these are not traits ONLY exhibited by rock musicians. Let's look at the other end of the spectrum: classical music. Classical artists can also do these things. Classical music also uses drums, classical artists also use drugs, and they can also sleep around. The problem isn't the music, it's the people. It's all about people.
That's it. When it comes down to it, we only have God to look to, and the bible does not have anything explicitly against rock music. It is people who would rather blame the whole company for the actions of a few people. Rather than putting thought into the actions of people, it would seem easier just to blame their beliefs, but that doesn't make it right.
I happen to love rock music, but I tried to take as little bias as I could. I looked up the majority of the verses I was presented with and in conclusion I have only this to say, follow God. When in doubt and in times of trial, look to Jesus. The music you listen to does not necessarily dictate who you are, it only does if you follow the bad examples the music industry has given to us. Why let those standards stay though? I say we ought to show a new face of rock. Let's change the standard. Be honest and Godly people. Allow God to envelop your music, even if it isn't directly Christian allow the Holy Spirit soak your life and His love bleed through.
*UPDATE* I have no idea why part of the article is highlighted, I've tried to fix it and...I can't, I'm ashamed. I'm sorry guys!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Christian Identity.
In the light of recent happenings with famed Christian metal vocalist of As I Lay Dying, Tim Lambesis, I wish to speak on the importance of identifying ourselves in Christ.
As people, and especially to us in this younger generation, it is becoming increasingly easy to let ourselves become wrapped up in the latest big artist. As this happens, we begin to identify with this person as a form of our own identity. We read about their daily lives, not noticing that while doing so we begin emulating it. We constantly look to others as a models for what our lives should look like, not realizing that we shouldn't be basing our lives off of anything from this world.
I am close with some people who are confessed "metal heads," who were legitimately let down (not to say they were reliant upon him for identity) upon reading about Tim Lambesis fall into what we here will call "major sin." The confessed Christian had been a beacon of light for many young Christians who wished to be apart of the metal scene yet keep their faith. He showed many thousands, no-doubt, of young Christian "metal heads" that it was indeed possible to have a strong faith in Jesus Christ yet participate in the metal scene. Needless to say, with his fall came much disappointment.
In this dark time though I would like to offer some consolation. There is a much bigger person to keep our hope in. A person who will never fall to the sins of our broken world, a person who knows you personally and loves you deeper than the oceans. As followers of God we ought to keep our identity in Him. He is our perfect example of life and will never reject you, even when you reject Him. Our Lord sent His only son to live a perfect life and die upon the cross so that we could have eternal life with our Father. This is not given permission to sin, but a consolation that in sin we are forgiven.
Why keep your person in a sinful, Earthly being when God gave us the ever perfect example of life? Why be disappointed in the fall when you can be exuberant in the return? You can be disappointed, however, remember that people are sinful regardless of their status or faith. Love the sinner, not the sin.
I know that my prayers go out to Tim as he faces his fate and that he realizes the error of his ways. I don't condone what has been done, but I pray that as Lambesis walks in the coming years that he comes back to his former faith and repents of his sinful actions.
As people, and especially to us in this younger generation, it is becoming increasingly easy to let ourselves become wrapped up in the latest big artist. As this happens, we begin to identify with this person as a form of our own identity. We read about their daily lives, not noticing that while doing so we begin emulating it. We constantly look to others as a models for what our lives should look like, not realizing that we shouldn't be basing our lives off of anything from this world.
I am close with some people who are confessed "metal heads," who were legitimately let down (not to say they were reliant upon him for identity) upon reading about Tim Lambesis fall into what we here will call "major sin." The confessed Christian had been a beacon of light for many young Christians who wished to be apart of the metal scene yet keep their faith. He showed many thousands, no-doubt, of young Christian "metal heads" that it was indeed possible to have a strong faith in Jesus Christ yet participate in the metal scene. Needless to say, with his fall came much disappointment.
In this dark time though I would like to offer some consolation. There is a much bigger person to keep our hope in. A person who will never fall to the sins of our broken world, a person who knows you personally and loves you deeper than the oceans. As followers of God we ought to keep our identity in Him. He is our perfect example of life and will never reject you, even when you reject Him. Our Lord sent His only son to live a perfect life and die upon the cross so that we could have eternal life with our Father. This is not given permission to sin, but a consolation that in sin we are forgiven.
Why keep your person in a sinful, Earthly being when God gave us the ever perfect example of life? Why be disappointed in the fall when you can be exuberant in the return? You can be disappointed, however, remember that people are sinful regardless of their status or faith. Love the sinner, not the sin.
I know that my prayers go out to Tim as he faces his fate and that he realizes the error of his ways. I don't condone what has been done, but I pray that as Lambesis walks in the coming years that he comes back to his former faith and repents of his sinful actions.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
The 10 Most Dramatic Works of Movie/Television Music.
Here today I will be listing out what I believe to be some of the most dramatic/epic/awesome pieces of movie music literature to date. The criterion for it to be ranked is that it must, first off, bring to life the imagination. A piece of movie/television music if played alone (of course we aren't talking about intermittent music here) should bring the imagination to life, it should force us to relive the moments of our favorite characters greatest pains or triumphs. It should stand alone. A great piece of movie music should stand alone in our minds as not only being a great companion to the movie, but something we can hear and know its value as a simple work of art.
The music below is taken from not only movies, but also television shows that have simply fantastic music put to them. Each is written by an astoundingly talented composer who deserves our gratitude for giving us such a piece of art.
Here we go, the 10 most dramatic and awesome works of movie/television music are:
(Rank. Title - Composer, Movie/Show.)
1. Vale Decem - Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 4 Finale
2. Time - Hans Zimmer, Inception
3. The Epilogue/Leaving Hogwarts - John Williams/Alexandre Desplat, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone
4. The Road Goes Ever On - Howard Shore, Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
5. Leia's Theme - John Williams, Star Wars IV A New Hope
6. Dumbledore's Farewell - Nicholas Hooper, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7. This is Gallifrey, Our Home, Our Childhood - Murray Gold, Doctor Who
8. Labor of Love - Michael Giacchino, Star Trek
9. Peace - Jeremy Zuckerman, Avatar: The Last Airbender Series Finale
10. Let 'er Buck - James Newton, Hidalgo
Links
1. Vale Decem
2. Time
3. The Epilogue/Leaving Hogwarts
4. The Road Goes Ever On
5. Leia's Theme
6. Dumbledore's Farewell
7. This is Gallifrey, Our Home, Our Childhood
8. Labor of Love
9. Peace
10. Let 'er Buck
The music below is taken from not only movies, but also television shows that have simply fantastic music put to them. Each is written by an astoundingly talented composer who deserves our gratitude for giving us such a piece of art.
Here we go, the 10 most dramatic and awesome works of movie/television music are:
(Rank. Title - Composer, Movie/Show.)
1. Vale Decem - Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 4 Finale
2. Time - Hans Zimmer, Inception
3. The Epilogue/Leaving Hogwarts - John Williams/Alexandre Desplat, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone
4. The Road Goes Ever On - Howard Shore, Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
5. Leia's Theme - John Williams, Star Wars IV A New Hope
6. Dumbledore's Farewell - Nicholas Hooper, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7. This is Gallifrey, Our Home, Our Childhood - Murray Gold, Doctor Who
8. Labor of Love - Michael Giacchino, Star Trek
9. Peace - Jeremy Zuckerman, Avatar: The Last Airbender Series Finale
10. Let 'er Buck - James Newton, Hidalgo
Links
1. Vale Decem
2. Time
3. The Epilogue/Leaving Hogwarts
4. The Road Goes Ever On
5. Leia's Theme
6. Dumbledore's Farewell
7. This is Gallifrey, Our Home, Our Childhood
8. Labor of Love
9. Peace
10. Let 'er Buck
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Story Within The Music...
I have always loved the themes and scores that accompany the adventures our favorite characters act out on screen. Being a lover of all things music, and having humble beginnings in classical music, movie/television show scores are just the next step. They are classical music with a plot. They are some of my favorites not only because some of them are simply fantastically written pieces of musical literature that could hold their own in the classical world as being amazing works of art (even without their visual counterparts), but because they conjure up the images of the stories you've come to love.
Move scores invoke the imagination, taking you along on those journey's that your favorite characters once lived themselves. They have a way of grabbing you by the scruff of your neck and pulling you in, forcing you to relive the worries and whiles again as you once did the very first time you watched that show or movie.
What I hope to show you now is one of the more imagination invoking works of art I have probably ever heard. The pure emotion the music expresses portrays naught but what is intended; that of grief at a characters untimely departure, yet happiness lived in new beginnings. I beg of you to forgive my expressed emotion in this post for only a piece of a tv show score, but trust me, there is a method to my madness. Below you will find the link to Doctor Who at The Proms 2010 where they play "This is Gallifrey, Our Home, Our Childhood" (The Doctors and The Masters themes as they reflect on Gallifrey) and "Vale Decem" (the theme that haunts us as we watch the 10th Doctors final moments on screen). Please watch, I pray you find the same haunting joy as I do.
So, without further adieu,
Alons-y! and GERONIMO!
Doctor Who at The Proms 2010
Move scores invoke the imagination, taking you along on those journey's that your favorite characters once lived themselves. They have a way of grabbing you by the scruff of your neck and pulling you in, forcing you to relive the worries and whiles again as you once did the very first time you watched that show or movie.
What I hope to show you now is one of the more imagination invoking works of art I have probably ever heard. The pure emotion the music expresses portrays naught but what is intended; that of grief at a characters untimely departure, yet happiness lived in new beginnings. I beg of you to forgive my expressed emotion in this post for only a piece of a tv show score, but trust me, there is a method to my madness. Below you will find the link to Doctor Who at The Proms 2010 where they play "This is Gallifrey, Our Home, Our Childhood" (The Doctors and The Masters themes as they reflect on Gallifrey) and "Vale Decem" (the theme that haunts us as we watch the 10th Doctors final moments on screen). Please watch, I pray you find the same haunting joy as I do.
So, without further adieu,
Alons-y! and GERONIMO!
Doctor Who at The Proms 2010
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I'm Worn...
"Let me see redemption win,
let me know the struggle ends.
That You can mend a heart
that's frail and torn.
I wanna know a song can rise
from the ashes of a broken life,
and all that's dead inside
can be reborn.
'Cause I'm worn..."
I open with the chorus from Tenth Avenue North's single from The Struggle because it is my plea to God every day I breathe. As a college student now, and an adult, my life has suddenly become much more difficult. Myself, as well as many of my friends around me face now struggles that we've never faced before. In this time of hardship it is very easy to sit back and become frustrated with the cards God has dealt us, relying on Him less and less every day. To be very, very honest, I am worn. I am worn by school. I am worn by relationships and the stress of empathy and sympathy as I worry about my loved ones around me. I am worn physically as I face long days with the outlook for shorter days being a bleak horizon. However, I keep going. Not always by the graces of God though.
Lately I have found myself relying less and less on God. Even though my days fill evermore with the stress of being a student and forward thoughts about how to pay for next semesters schooling, I forget about my Savior. I am worn.
"Let me see redemption win,
let me know the struggle ends..."
Every day the sins build and I feel the weight of the world as it crushes down upon every person, the stress building until we break one-by-one. But God doesn't want this to happen. He died upon the cross to take our sin upon His own shoulders. He loves each and every one of us so deeply that He was willing to lay down His life so that we may live ours.
"...You can mend a heart
that's frail and torn."
God, You can mend my heart. No matter how much I yearn for worldly things. No matter how much heart ache I bare, You heal me. My heart I lay before You, frail and torn, broken and beaten, kicked and trodden upon by those I barely knew and those I loved. Jesus, You lift me when I've fallen.
"I wanna know a song can rise
from the ashes of a broken life."
Reborn in You, my sinful life burns. You pluck me out of the ashes, a whimpering baby, and you grow me and You grow within me. Jesus, let me know a song can rise from my lungs to You. Even though my words are tainted with the sin of this world, even though I am scarred by harsh words, let me know a song can rise from my heart to You, Lord.
"...all that's dead inside
can be reborn."
Without You, Lord, I am dead. Without You I am nothing. With You I am made new in Your creation.
"'Cause I'm worn..."
God, I am worn...We, Your creation, are worn down by this world around us. We are hearts trodden upon by the feet of men. We are lives taken by the hands of people who don't know you. With all I have I raise my hands and my heart to You in humble adoration. I am nothing but a servant. I am worn, but You breathe into me new life. I am worn, but You pick me up. I am worn, but You hold me complete. Jesus, I am worn, but You heal me.
Amen
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Beloved: The Last Supper (Finale part of "The Marriage")
Song to be played in worship...
In scripture there are MANY, MANY times where God calls us His bride. One unordinary time is during the last supper. At the time they were celebrating the passover when Jesus, going about His duties as Rabbi, picks up the third cup, the Cup of Salvation. Now, traditionally you're supposed to set this cup aside, but Jesus instead says, "This is my covenant, take and drink it." Under ordinary circumstances this would be an action of no consequence, but to this group of tax collectors and fisherman Jesus was basically asking them to marry him.
Back in this time when a man saw a women he was interested in he would go to his father and be like, "hey, dad, I really like this chick." So they would go to her dad and strike a deal with him for her. Before you overreact though, this wasn't for her hand, this was a bargain to simply ask if she would; she had the choice. At this point they'd throw a large banquet during which the man would pick up the third cup, offer it to the women and say, "this is my covenant, take and drink it." Now, the women could either go, "ew...no, you're a creeper and I want nothing to do with you," OR say yes.
If she said yes, the man would leave and they wouldn't see one another for a time. She, from this point on, would no longer be known by her name, but rather as "one who is bought with a price." The man would go home and begin building her a mansion. However, before you get excited, the word mansion in Hebrew translates to "apartment." Oh, and to top it off, it was simply and extension of his parents house; it was called an Insula, or family dwelling. So, ladies, if you don't want this I wouldn't recommend marrying a Jewish boy...only kidding. The guy didn't get to choose when he was finished though, her father had to check off that it was good enough.
If the "mansion" was good enough the man was permitted to receive his bride. At this point the man would gather his his posy with their Rams horns (Shofars) and run to collect his beloved. Upon seeing him she would walk down to him, essentially down the isle.
Do you see the metaphor yet?
After Jesus offered the cup the disciples looked at one another and realized that they'd been with Him that long, they might as well keep going. Jesus then looked at them and told them He'd be leaving for awhile, but while He was gone He'd be building them each a mansion of their own. He did not know when He would return, but when His father gave His blessing Jesus would return for His bride with His holy posy, the 4 angels, and bring us home. We are all disciples of Jesus though, He calls us all His bride. We aren't even a great bride that will give Him stuff and wait on Him, the Bible calls us an adulterous, unfaithful bride. But to foreshadow last weeks message, He knows our sins but He loves us the same.
So, go now knowing that we are Jesus' bride. We are His lovers. We are His everything.
"This is my covenant, take and drink it."
-
Jesus of Nazareth, Son of God.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
You Are More (Part 1 of "The Marriage")
Play video after worship, before message...
Who are you?
There's this saying these days, and I'm sure you've heard it, that goes "we are simply the product of our experiences." But is this true?
I worked at Miracle Ranch for the first time last summer, as you all know. When working at camp you meet kids from all different walks of life; some have had rather trying lives, but others may have gotten everything they've every dreamt of. It's crazy. You begin to wonder how they can possibly connect with one another and worship together. We begin to think that our job is to get the campers' riled up and driven to celebrate and live for God. But what we sometimes forget is that, how can you live for God if you don't know how to live because of God.
As Christians we walk through life trying to make the best choices in the name of God, but what we often forget is that the gospel tells us that the choices we make don't make us who we are, what Jesus did makes us who we are. Now, here I should probably specify that I'm not trying to undermine the consequences of our actions because the choices we make do determine where we end up, but it is very important to remember that where we end up does NOT determine who you are. And that connects us all, doesn't it? Campers, people who work 9-5 jobs, prisoners, it doesn't matter who you think you are because who you are isn't determined by your life, who you are is determined by the life that Jesus led, the life that Jesus gave up to give you yours back. Isn't that freeing? If you're good, there's more to you than your success, if you're bad, you're more than your failures. You are more than the choices that you make, you are more than the mistakes you've made, you're even more than the rights you have accomplished; you are the sum of our heavenly Fathers love for us.
This is a short coming of almost everyone I know, Christians and non-believers alike, we all believe that who we are is equivalent to the sum of our successes and failures. We are deluded. Honestly, who are we to think that we have any sort of control over who we are if we have someone as great as God watching over us. We aren't who we are because of our choices because our falls and mistakes pale in comparison to the sacrifice Jesus made upon that cross.
Have you heard the Parable of the Prodigal Son? Well, the Parable of the Prodigal son is about a father and his two children and their relationship when one leaves for a life of debauchery. Let me read it to you...
The Parable of the Prodigal (Lost) Son
"11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”
No matter how much the son disrespected the father and no matter how much he sinned while using the money given to him by the father, the fathers love for his son could not be dampened. Do you see the moral here? Gods' love for us is just as the fathers love for his son. Every day we go into the world with what God has given us and we sin against Him, but He loves us the same. God knows that we aren't the measure of our sins, we are who He made us to be in His infinite wisdom. When you come back to Him with an apology in your heart He runs to you and embraces you in an embrace that washes us clean of every sin. And it's all because He knows that YOU ARE MORE.
Read letter aloud...
Our Father loves us more than we can possibly understand because He knows that deep down, despite how we sin against Him with the tools that He Himself sculpted from nothing, we are more than that. We are more, you are more than the weight of your sin. You are the measure of Gods love, of Jesus' sacrifice upon the cross.
Tonight if you want to accept your Fathers undying love for you and return His warm embrace, you need only pray. I want to spread out for about 5 minutes and give you time to think. You can either sit and pray to yourself or just sit quietly and think. There are prayer partners around the room that would be more than willing to sit and pray with/for you if you so choose, including myself. Please try your best to sit away from someone and resist the urge to talk, just dwell on what God is saying to you in His letter. Go.*
Optional ending song:
*Last paragraph is the conclusion to the Lakebay Community Church Youth Group delivery of this message.
**To alleviate any confusion, speaker directions are included.
Monday, April 9, 2012
You Are Not Invisible
So there's this song on Disciples "latest" (which I say with a reserve because it's two years old) album "Horseshoes and Handgrenades"called "Invisible." The entire song is about how though there are times in your life where you may not feel loved, or that no one wants to see/hear you but those feelings are temporary. Where ever you are there is someone who worries about you; there is always someone. I know there are times in everyones life where they just want to yell to the sky "WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!" But it's those times where our strength in Christ must be strongest. Just remember that God wouldn't bring you to a hardship if He didn't have every intension of carrying you through it. No matter what situation you are in, no matter the hardship, God is always there with His had on your shoulder. You may wish you are someone else, you may wish you were somewhere else, but you're not invisible; you're not stranded on your own, you're not invisible. You may not feel like you cannot save yourself, but you don't have to, put your troubles in Jesus's hands, He will take them gladly. What you see is not what He see's, the reflection in the mirror is a lie. God loves you no matter who you are.
"You wish you were someone else
every night you fall to pieces
knowing you can't save yourself
I can see you, I can hear you.
There's a place where the broken go
there's a room full of second chances
you're NOT stranded on your own
you're not invisible"
-
Disciple, Invisible.
*There are some possible PG-13 images in this video (such as cutting), so if you are sensitive to such images feel free not to view. I would like, however, to stress that the video is to enhance what the powerful lyrics are saying and not meant in a joking way at all.
Friday, April 6, 2012
High School: "The Glory Days" (A.K.A. What I've "Known")
For this post I'd like to back way up to 7th grade for a bit. Back in March of 2007 I had finally figured it all out, I knew where I was going. I KNEW I was going to be a professional clarinetist. I KNEW I was going to attend the Peabody Conservatory of Music for a double major in composition and performance on clarinet and a minor in conducting. I KNEW I was going to go to the State Solo and Ensemble Contest my freshman year. Isn't it funny what we know?
In the car ride home I began reminiscing about the last four years of my life and how I've changed. I've always been a pretty mature person, so I never imagined that I could get much more mature. When I began my freshman year at Peninsula High School I was the chubby kid that, though he had his little group of friends, didn't really fit anywhere in particular. I was shy around people I didn't know and obsessed with music, the unpopular kind. I had been one of four freshman to make into the schools top wind ensemble, and to top it off the only one of the now only six people in the last four years who made it in on such a popular instrument as clarinet. I spent most of my time practicing rather than out with friends. I had jet black hair, fake of course. I was a bit overweight. I listened to jazz and band music in my free time. I didn't feel quite adequate. Little did I know that the next four years would be the defining moments of my yet short life.
The summer before I had gotten my first girlfriend, and that, sad to say, started everything. That year I kept listening to jazz, but I found that I wasn't the only one. I cut out the black hair. Oh, and I lost 60 pounds. I made it into the top jazz band on 2nd Tenor Sax, subbing also as 2nd Alto in the bottom jazz ensemble. I also began my first year in the Tacoma Youth Symphony Association playing 2nd clarinet in the Tacoma Debut Orchestra. Music had literally become my life, everything good had come from music so far. But it was just an avenue. Oh, and did I mention that I was now half deaf?
That summer I went to my second (after having had ear surgery a couple weeks previous) Evergreen Music Festival (for TYSA) and had the time of my life, meeting some of the best friends and best musicians I've ever known. Unfortunately while there my appendix ruptured and I had my first, and hopefully last, battle with death and pain. I was told the following monday after my rush to surgery that if I had waited another day I would have died. Fun stuff. I missed both weeks of band camp, which wasn't good because I had also been made the new clarinet section leader for the PHS band. I also had little under 2 weeks and 4 rehearsals to learn a field show that the rest of the band had already learned. But I did it.
Sophomore I challenged myself with AP Biology, but failed terribly. My life was on the rocks. I was no longer practicing much because my head had swelled. And my precious relationship was in tatters. Well, as you can probably guess, it ended. It was rough, my first breakup. But being stupid as I now realize I was, I jumped into another relationship which would actually change my life for the better. That year was my second year in the Tacoma Youth Symphony Association and on top of that, I had skipped a group and jumped the the second highest group. At PHS I was now Lead Tenor Sax in jazz band and principal clarinet in the symphonic band. The highlight of my year being that with my family and new girlfriend watching I had soloed with trumpet virtuoso, Wayne Bergeron--who can be heard in such movie scores as 2009's hit Star Trek and Pixars superhero hit, The Incredibles--with the PHS Jazz Band, May 15th, 2010. The end of that year was spectacular.
That summer I travelled to Washington DC with the Peninsula High School Marching Band to march in the Independence Day Parade, had my second ear surgery, and spend three days on Orcas Island with my girlfriend as a sympathy trade from her parents for her having been working at Miracle Ranch most of June and July. It was a great summer.
Junior year began rocky and didn't really get better until the end. I'll just run over a bit of it: I was no longer section leader, I still held my Lead Tenor position in jazz, and was still 1st clarinet, I dropped Tacoma Youth Symphony in exchange for a change of scenery, subsequently joining the Puget Sound Youth Wind Ensemble, oh, and I endured my second break up. Junior year kind of passed in a flash. It was good and bad rolled into one confusing torrent that leaves my mind wondering what exactly possessed me to do what I did. The really important stuff begins in March of 2011. My girlfriend and I broke up to my shock and dismay. Before this however she had convinced me to do something I didn't think I would ever do, something I did I believe just to make her happy: I applied to her alma matter, Miracle Ranch. Then I forgot about it. We broke up, kept talking, considered getting together again, and kinda just repeated the motions. I went to my interview in april for Miracle Ranch, there meeting someone who shocked me by shouting my name (forewarned by my girlfriend) as my first introduction to ranchers, my resident jewish friend, a friend I haven't seen in forever, and someone else a camper claimed I liked. Oh, and someone I would try to avoid. I was floored. In a year I had gone from just absent-mindedly believing in God to applying to a christian camp, and I was enjoying every second. I didn't hear back from them until June 6th, I was on edge the entire time. My boss called me in for a second interview and hired me on the spot two weeks before I was supposed to start. That summer changed my life.
Do you remember everything I "knew" in seventh grade? None of it mattered. I barely practiced, music took a back seat. I worshiped every night, now the kid infront getting other kids involved rather than the guy awkwardly standing in the back. I danced around on stage. I made friends that I'm convinced will be my closest friends till I die. Everything I knew was forgotten, who I had once been was pushed aside as I realized what I had once taken for granted. God was here, in my life the whole time, guiding me along as my silent shepherd until I was bowing before his throne. I had more fun in two months than I could have imagined. It literally changed my life. I was doubting myself for all the right reasons. Did I want to be a musician? Did I want to stand on stage just to entertain people for personal reasons? Or did I want to make a difference?
At the end of the summer I picked up a position helping to grow my churches youth group, now leading worship for a bunch of middle school-freshman aged kids. I've been doing that since October. In October also our marching band won 2nd place out of 15 bands at the Peninsula Classic Marching Band Competition and 3rd (correct me if I'm wrong) overall at the Tumwater Marching Band Competition even after our now well known band director for my first three years (though four years in total), Rickey Badua, left to pursue his doctorate and we were now under new leadership. I was made Lead Alto Sax in the jazz band and section leader once again. I had dropped PSYWE in place of a paying job as a Dinning Room Assistant at Miracle Ranch. For the first time in high school I've been single the entire year. In January I had my chance finally to audition (now for a music education degree rather than performance) for the Peabody Conservatory of Music, but I didn't go. It wasn't important. I had planned on applying to six schools (Peabody, PLU, UPS, CWU, Multnomah, and Northwest Christian), I applied to two, Multnomah and PLU, and got accepted to both; year before when I decided I wanted to teach I had decided PLU, but then switched to Peabody, then neither. I no longer had any interest in a degree in instrumental music, though music is still who I am. I'm attending Multnomah University this coming year for a double major in Music Ministry and Biblical Studies. I'll be moving to Portland at the end of August after my second year of camp, this time applying for High School Leader and Music Lead.
I think we make plans when we're young so that we have some sense of purpose, but then life changes. I'm no longer the timid freshman, or even the cocky sophomore, or the stupid junior. I'm not even the person I was at the beginning of the year. Change is fickle friend, sometimes it can catch you of your guard, but it's times like those where you have to rely on God, I know that now. Over the years there have been many times where I've wanted to shout to the heavens "GOD! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!" But I don't, because I know now that God will never leave me. He brings you to trouble to learn; God will bring you, but he'll also carry you through.
I guess what I'm saying here is that plans never met aren't necessarily broken promises or goals I've never met, it just means that on the way there I decided I'd rather not go, and instead took another road. Did you see that I never went to State? Never, I made it my goal each year, but I always had some seniors above me or I just wouldn't practice enough. I'm not a performance major at Peabody either. Instead I'm the dedicated christian that has devoted his life to ministry. I look back now and realize that every moment in my life has been just another stepping stone, and they were all important. I regret nothing, because if I had done things differently, I wouldn't be who I am now. Sure, there are things that I wish I hadn't done, I may regret them, but in a small way I'm happy I did them because I could grow from them. Now is the time to move forward. Life and God move every minute closer to the next change in my life and I cannot wait. I've loved every second of pain and happiness, and I've loved every person involved. It's hard to believe that I could have changed that much in just four years; and if I changed that much, think about yourself? How have you changed?
With that I have but one last thing to say:
In the car ride home I began reminiscing about the last four years of my life and how I've changed. I've always been a pretty mature person, so I never imagined that I could get much more mature. When I began my freshman year at Peninsula High School I was the chubby kid that, though he had his little group of friends, didn't really fit anywhere in particular. I was shy around people I didn't know and obsessed with music, the unpopular kind. I had been one of four freshman to make into the schools top wind ensemble, and to top it off the only one of the now only six people in the last four years who made it in on such a popular instrument as clarinet. I spent most of my time practicing rather than out with friends. I had jet black hair, fake of course. I was a bit overweight. I listened to jazz and band music in my free time. I didn't feel quite adequate. Little did I know that the next four years would be the defining moments of my yet short life.
The summer before I had gotten my first girlfriend, and that, sad to say, started everything. That year I kept listening to jazz, but I found that I wasn't the only one. I cut out the black hair. Oh, and I lost 60 pounds. I made it into the top jazz band on 2nd Tenor Sax, subbing also as 2nd Alto in the bottom jazz ensemble. I also began my first year in the Tacoma Youth Symphony Association playing 2nd clarinet in the Tacoma Debut Orchestra. Music had literally become my life, everything good had come from music so far. But it was just an avenue. Oh, and did I mention that I was now half deaf?
That summer I went to my second (after having had ear surgery a couple weeks previous) Evergreen Music Festival (for TYSA) and had the time of my life, meeting some of the best friends and best musicians I've ever known. Unfortunately while there my appendix ruptured and I had my first, and hopefully last, battle with death and pain. I was told the following monday after my rush to surgery that if I had waited another day I would have died. Fun stuff. I missed both weeks of band camp, which wasn't good because I had also been made the new clarinet section leader for the PHS band. I also had little under 2 weeks and 4 rehearsals to learn a field show that the rest of the band had already learned. But I did it.
Sophomore I challenged myself with AP Biology, but failed terribly. My life was on the rocks. I was no longer practicing much because my head had swelled. And my precious relationship was in tatters. Well, as you can probably guess, it ended. It was rough, my first breakup. But being stupid as I now realize I was, I jumped into another relationship which would actually change my life for the better. That year was my second year in the Tacoma Youth Symphony Association and on top of that, I had skipped a group and jumped the the second highest group. At PHS I was now Lead Tenor Sax in jazz band and principal clarinet in the symphonic band. The highlight of my year being that with my family and new girlfriend watching I had soloed with trumpet virtuoso, Wayne Bergeron--who can be heard in such movie scores as 2009's hit Star Trek and Pixars superhero hit, The Incredibles--with the PHS Jazz Band, May 15th, 2010. The end of that year was spectacular.
That summer I travelled to Washington DC with the Peninsula High School Marching Band to march in the Independence Day Parade, had my second ear surgery, and spend three days on Orcas Island with my girlfriend as a sympathy trade from her parents for her having been working at Miracle Ranch most of June and July. It was a great summer.
Junior year began rocky and didn't really get better until the end. I'll just run over a bit of it: I was no longer section leader, I still held my Lead Tenor position in jazz, and was still 1st clarinet, I dropped Tacoma Youth Symphony in exchange for a change of scenery, subsequently joining the Puget Sound Youth Wind Ensemble, oh, and I endured my second break up. Junior year kind of passed in a flash. It was good and bad rolled into one confusing torrent that leaves my mind wondering what exactly possessed me to do what I did. The really important stuff begins in March of 2011. My girlfriend and I broke up to my shock and dismay. Before this however she had convinced me to do something I didn't think I would ever do, something I did I believe just to make her happy: I applied to her alma matter, Miracle Ranch. Then I forgot about it. We broke up, kept talking, considered getting together again, and kinda just repeated the motions. I went to my interview in april for Miracle Ranch, there meeting someone who shocked me by shouting my name (forewarned by my girlfriend) as my first introduction to ranchers, my resident jewish friend, a friend I haven't seen in forever, and someone else a camper claimed I liked. Oh, and someone I would try to avoid. I was floored. In a year I had gone from just absent-mindedly believing in God to applying to a christian camp, and I was enjoying every second. I didn't hear back from them until June 6th, I was on edge the entire time. My boss called me in for a second interview and hired me on the spot two weeks before I was supposed to start. That summer changed my life.
Do you remember everything I "knew" in seventh grade? None of it mattered. I barely practiced, music took a back seat. I worshiped every night, now the kid infront getting other kids involved rather than the guy awkwardly standing in the back. I danced around on stage. I made friends that I'm convinced will be my closest friends till I die. Everything I knew was forgotten, who I had once been was pushed aside as I realized what I had once taken for granted. God was here, in my life the whole time, guiding me along as my silent shepherd until I was bowing before his throne. I had more fun in two months than I could have imagined. It literally changed my life. I was doubting myself for all the right reasons. Did I want to be a musician? Did I want to stand on stage just to entertain people for personal reasons? Or did I want to make a difference?
At the end of the summer I picked up a position helping to grow my churches youth group, now leading worship for a bunch of middle school-freshman aged kids. I've been doing that since October. In October also our marching band won 2nd place out of 15 bands at the Peninsula Classic Marching Band Competition and 3rd (correct me if I'm wrong) overall at the Tumwater Marching Band Competition even after our now well known band director for my first three years (though four years in total), Rickey Badua, left to pursue his doctorate and we were now under new leadership. I was made Lead Alto Sax in the jazz band and section leader once again. I had dropped PSYWE in place of a paying job as a Dinning Room Assistant at Miracle Ranch. For the first time in high school I've been single the entire year. In January I had my chance finally to audition (now for a music education degree rather than performance) for the Peabody Conservatory of Music, but I didn't go. It wasn't important. I had planned on applying to six schools (Peabody, PLU, UPS, CWU, Multnomah, and Northwest Christian), I applied to two, Multnomah and PLU, and got accepted to both; year before when I decided I wanted to teach I had decided PLU, but then switched to Peabody, then neither. I no longer had any interest in a degree in instrumental music, though music is still who I am. I'm attending Multnomah University this coming year for a double major in Music Ministry and Biblical Studies. I'll be moving to Portland at the end of August after my second year of camp, this time applying for High School Leader and Music Lead.
I think we make plans when we're young so that we have some sense of purpose, but then life changes. I'm no longer the timid freshman, or even the cocky sophomore, or the stupid junior. I'm not even the person I was at the beginning of the year. Change is fickle friend, sometimes it can catch you of your guard, but it's times like those where you have to rely on God, I know that now. Over the years there have been many times where I've wanted to shout to the heavens "GOD! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!" But I don't, because I know now that God will never leave me. He brings you to trouble to learn; God will bring you, but he'll also carry you through.
I guess what I'm saying here is that plans never met aren't necessarily broken promises or goals I've never met, it just means that on the way there I decided I'd rather not go, and instead took another road. Did you see that I never went to State? Never, I made it my goal each year, but I always had some seniors above me or I just wouldn't practice enough. I'm not a performance major at Peabody either. Instead I'm the dedicated christian that has devoted his life to ministry. I look back now and realize that every moment in my life has been just another stepping stone, and they were all important. I regret nothing, because if I had done things differently, I wouldn't be who I am now. Sure, there are things that I wish I hadn't done, I may regret them, but in a small way I'm happy I did them because I could grow from them. Now is the time to move forward. Life and God move every minute closer to the next change in my life and I cannot wait. I've loved every second of pain and happiness, and I've loved every person involved. It's hard to believe that I could have changed that much in just four years; and if I changed that much, think about yourself? How have you changed?
With that I have but one last thing to say:
I'm ready to follow now, God.
I'm Yours.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Random Post...
So, as you may have noticed, I haven't written anything in awhile...and it's finally gotten to me. What should I talk about? Worship? Band? Cheesy jokes? Cars? OH! I know!
On March 17, 2012 (this Saturday), I will be embarking on a long and treacherous journey towards Stadium High School. And for what might you ask? For the Commencement Bay Regional Solo and Ensemble Contest. For this I shall be playing the beautiful and flowing Landscape by Krzeimir Debski for clarinet and piano (originally orchestra). In comparison this is a slower piece for me, coming playing things such as the Premiere Rhapsody by Debussy and the Solo de Concours by A. Messeger, but nevertheless a very difficult piece being it VERY slow and lyrical as well as technically difficult, making it rather difficult. This year will be my final year going for the ever elusive position for the state solo and ensemble contest which I have been attempting to no avail to go for for the last 3 years; I have been pushed aside roughly by the 3 students above me who had that useful year on me, even though last year I should have gone, but that's my opinion sneaking though. Anyway, just pray for me to go as this might be my very last classical competition before I immerse myself in worship music and God. Thanks!
On March 17, 2012 (this Saturday), I will be embarking on a long and treacherous journey towards Stadium High School. And for what might you ask? For the Commencement Bay Regional Solo and Ensemble Contest. For this I shall be playing the beautiful and flowing Landscape by Krzeimir Debski for clarinet and piano (originally orchestra). In comparison this is a slower piece for me, coming playing things such as the Premiere Rhapsody by Debussy and the Solo de Concours by A. Messeger, but nevertheless a very difficult piece being it VERY slow and lyrical as well as technically difficult, making it rather difficult. This year will be my final year going for the ever elusive position for the state solo and ensemble contest which I have been attempting to no avail to go for for the last 3 years; I have been pushed aside roughly by the 3 students above me who had that useful year on me, even though last year I should have gone, but that's my opinion sneaking though. Anyway, just pray for me to go as this might be my very last classical competition before I immerse myself in worship music and God. Thanks!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Names!
I finally named my clarinet! His name is Jacque! I figured, well, he's french, being Buffett R-13 (obviously french since it was built in France), so he should have a French name. I think it's a good, fitting name for this wooden masterpiece. So, from this point on he shall be dubbed JACQUE! Now onto more pressing matters, what should I name my sax? Soprano, Alto, and Tenor. So that's three names for three unnamed brass beasts. Little help? Any suggestions would be just peachy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Christ Is Risen - Matt Maher - LifeChurch.tv Church Online
A friend of mine from camp posted this video, along with another I'll post, but it made me think. The emotion David (the poet) puts into his performance. The poets name is David Bowden if you wanna look him up. What do you think about watching this?
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