Sitcoms Are Easy, Life Is Not: it's been awhile....

     It has come to a point here when the only times I write here are when it is late at night when I am away from school and therefore normal life--to put it another way, when I'm feeling reminiscent. You guys last heard from me last April when I wrote an extensive post about my thoughts on the How I Met Your Mother series finale. Though a slight departure from my usual ramblings, it is not without meaning. There have been several other allusions to sitcoms within my writings here, which should tell you all something about myself.
     It has often been a problem that when confronted by turmoil I do one of two things: I either run headlong into it, seeking to take it down like some kind of rabid animal (that is to say, I am too harsh/blunt), OR I turn and walk away. If I can ignore the problem, maybe it will go away. If I retreat maybe the problem will see that I mean it no harm and leave me be. I would like to add here that this is not the case for all matters, but a great deal too many.
     I will return to those issues in a moment, but before I do, I'd like to preface it with some backstory. Since you have last heard from me I have since returned to Multnomah. After my last post in April I stepped into "normal" life which for me meant a normal 5-6 day a week job, leading worship at my home church, meanwhile balancing many relationships I had left behind, as well as those that were right in front of me. It seemed simple enough, but as it would seem, I don't do "normal" life very well. I became bored very quickly. I loved leading worship and I definitely loved having the opportunity to step back into relationships that I had otherwise either not seen fully developed or had nearly left behind. Beyond that I became disillusioned and bored.
     This is an example of me running away. There were good parts, sure, but being on the other side now, I see my mistake. I became tired, relying on the wrong things to get me through. I left school, came home, got a part time job, took up a volunteer position, and had fun, but it wouldn't last. I don't know if it was that I couldn't see or if I refused, but the mistake was in front of me, it happened. I took time off that I assumed would be immensely satisfying, but it wasn't. I was completely and ridiculously exhausted after that semester, but instead of continuing to face the beast, I turned tail and walked away. They say when God closes a door He opens a window, and I'd like to think that is what happened. I left school and the door was closed, but I ended up having the opportunity to lead worship and have some fun; the window was cramped, and eventually I would get through, but it wasn't the best option if given the choice.
     There is a beauty I find in sitcoms and really just television in general that seems to envelop me. You have a small window by which you see these characters, but by the end of that episode the problem is either resolved or very close to resolution. It's so simple; so formulaic. I often claim that I like to look at problems very simply, but I position my life in the most opposite direction. I like to look at life simply, though I seem to put myself in the most complex situations. I want life to be easy, but I don't want to be bored. I want the simple answer, but I've been given the most difficult equation. As I mentioned before, I too often have two responses to my problems, crash into them or walk away. These are very easy answers to very hard problems. Life does not always present itself in simple 1+1=2-esk issues. Life deals in calculus--that is to say, life's problems are not to be dealt with lightly.
 
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     In late August I returned to Multnomah. Everything moved quickly. Within the month of August I decided to leave, put in my two weeks at work, announced I was leaving my church position, discussed the tolls my being gone would have with my then girlfriend, applied back to school, got accepted, and left. Do you know what assuming does? I claim to know, yet it always comes back to bite me in the...butt. See what I did there? Anyway, I left for school with too many assumptions. I assumed I would have a job waiting for me. For nearly a month I had been attempting to work with my current job to transfer to a Portland/Vancouver store so I might simply continue working. I assumed I would be able to transition from a working life back into a life as a student easily. I assumed I would be able to pick up where I left off with all of my friends. I assumed my finances would somehow work themselves out--though this kind of goes with me assuming to have a job. I assumed my relationship wouldn't fall apart.
     Needless to say, nothing went as planned. For nine months I had spent a great deal of time by myself, becoming isolated and introverted. I was more used to being by myself than with people, especially with people my own age, most the people I worked with being decades older than myself. I didn't take this into account. I digress however. When I arrived in Portland, it began to fall apart. Though I thought my job situation would be worked out, I was dropped from the system after only a few emails and even fewer attempts to aid me. Transitioning from simple work to being a student again was anything but easy, especially in the path I had taken. My friends, though they had kept constant contact and invited me in, had continued within their own lives. My finances began to fall apart with student loan companies claiming I owed them money, badgering myself and my great grandmother (who happens to be my loan cosigner) for money even though the error was on their side, not mine; this was not to be aided by my now unemployed status, nor the fact that I had become a commuting student as was driving significant distances every day for school. And the cherry on the top of the ice cream that was my life, after barely a month of me being away, my girlfriend and I parted ways.
     My life was in shambles. I wanted only to distract myself with tv and useless conversations about comic books, but the beast wouldn't remain sated for long. Though I could turn and ignore things like a broken relationship and finances, I couldn't ignore friends, I couldn't ignore school. I would continue to pretend like nothing was wrong, remaining emotionally distant, saying little about what was actually troubling me, only showing signs of wear on the outside.
     I spent the majority of the month of October attempting to hide the fact that though I seemed fine, on the inside I was one sentence or image away from bottoming out again. I don't have a crutch so to speak, I just like to pretend everything is okay. If you smile enough you'll actually start to smile, if you start to laugh eventually you'll actually start laughing; that's what I did. I put on the smile, I laughed at the jokes, I would convince myself I was fine, but the slightest hint of my broken relationship or problems I was having would leave me in a tailspin. The truth is that I spent the majority of the month of October and a great deal of November berating myself and breaking down panicking that things would not end well. This was new for me. Not the berating part, but the panicking. I don't really panic. I'm usually able to take things as they come and move forward, but not this time. Too much was happening all at once. It doesn't seem like much, but I had left myself in a state that did not enable my normal "fight or flight" responses. It is here that the normal lesson learning time begins.
     In retrospect I realize that my previous sentiments about my "last" semester being the hardest was total crap. That semester left me exhausted, sure, but this had left me broken. No contingency plan. No big solution to come up with like usual. There was no easy fix. It wasn't and isn't a "done and done" situation. One of the things that drove my aforementioned girlfriend crazy was that I tried to fix everything. Rather than just let things happen, rather than just sit and listen, I always tried to have a solution. It was "simple." I want to fix the problem, but some problems can't be fixed, they must be experienced. I'm going to sound so incredibly cheesy, but the quote that comes to mind when I say all of this is,

"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."

Yes, this is a quote straight out of The Fault in Our Stars, written by John Green who just so happens to be one of my favorite people--and no, I couldn't tell anything about the context of the quote, but that isn't important here. The point I am trying to make here is that pain doesn't have an easy cure. It will be felt; it has to be felt. This is a motto that I have fought against almost my entire life. I used to think the world was simple; all the opportunity is out there, it's your job to run to it. There is an extent to which I still believe the latter of that sentiment, though the former has been sufficiently stomped out of me. The world is hard. I get it. Really.
     Thus, I kept going. There was no easy fix, there was no walking away, so I kept pushing forward. I readjusted to life as a student. I even found a job. I have the opportunity of becoming the worship leader for a church in Vancouver. I found my place among my friends again. I stumbled through the remainder of my semester, but I made it. There was a point during which I lost excitement for anything, but even that I got back in the form of several new projects, but that's another topic for another time. I even got some closure on a broken relationship.
     No, I haven't learnt my lesson, I'm still learning. Not all problems have an easy fix. Life is an experience, not a series of math equations. Pray. I know you've all been waiting for me to say that with baited breath. I would not have gotten through any of this without God on my side. I keep saying "I" did this and "I" did that, but though I may feel some modicum of accomplishment for having made it through, I didn't do it alone. The only reason I made it is because God heard those prayers I begged out when panicking and answered them. Though not always in the way I would have liked, my prayers were answered.
     I feel as if this all seems to come from some naive person, so let me set somethings straight. I wasn't some innocent child before this all happened, nor did I think the world "honest." I knew the world to be a cruel place, I knew the problems. I understood there were things that couldn't just be solved, but in my ignorance I failed to believe that there were problems in my own life that I couldn't just fix. I hope you don't read this whole thing as if from the point of view of some sullied child, but from the point of view...of, well, just about anything/anyone else.
     For the last few weeks I have been sitting around during the Christmas break doing basically nothing, which has left me with tons of time to reflect. It's been a hard route, but it's been worth it. I hurt, still, but it'll pass with time. No easy fix. Since April I have remained silent here because I didn't believe I had anything worth saying on here. I wanted anything I posted, if I posted anything again, to have weight, I didn't want it to be something fleeting.
     With all of that said, I have some sincere thank you's to dole out, and don't worry, you most likely already know how thankful I am. First off, thank you so much to my mom for being there to talk or help me out financially, even when I didn't want it. Thank you to my friends who never gave up on me or left when I decided to be a complete a@#, you guys are really awesome. If you are a teacher I had this semester and reading this, thank you so much for passing me, it really means a lot. Really, thank you to any of you who put up with me when I wasn't ready to talk or was otherwise stubborn, thank you for sticking with me.
     So, it's with that I sum things up. Everyone acknowledges that sitcoms aren't a real depiction of life. Sitcom is literally a shortening of "situational comedy," which betrays fleeting. In sitcoms the problems are fleeting (though they can be difficult) and the solutions simple. If everyone acknowledges a fatal flaw such as that in something so popular, why is it we continue to watch them? We want an escape. Sitcoms offer to us what life does not, a complex problem with a simple answer. They are an amalgam of life's problems shoved into a half hour time slot once a week. It is what we wish life was like, but we aren't quite as lucky.
     So it is that I sit here, blasting The Hush Sound through my headphones at 3:43 in the morning on New Years Eve, writing to tell you that 2014 has chewed me up and spit me out. I've bottomed out and somehow gotten up again, but I wouldn't redo a single moment. Life is not a complex problem with a simple answer and I believe in a Savior who will always be there for me. I hope you read this and take something, no matter how small, with you into 2015. It's sure to be a good year.
     In case I don't write anything more for a long time, or ever again, thank you so much for reading and don't forget what I've written. Also, I deeply apologize if this whole thing is completely gibberish, it is almost 4:00 AM. For those of you who are crazy enough to read this so early in the morning I say, "good morning!" but for the rest of you are still sleeping or won't read this for many months to come I say Happy New Year.
     And as usual, thank you for reading :-)

-- Josh

I've Crossed the Danger Line.

      For those of you who don't know, I'm a musician and for about a year now I've been writing music. While writing lyrics lately I've noticed an ongoing theme: the lies and lust of the world; how nothing here is real. When I realized this theme--being used to simply writing down lines as they come to me-- it troubled me, why would I be writing about such a depressing theme?
     These thoughts plagued me for awhile until I realized that I've been missing something--or should I say someone--else for awhile as well. You see, I've been home on break from school, and in my time here I've been for the most part alone aside from my grandma and brother. I've been away from the God filled atmosphere that has become my home at Multnomah, left to fend for my own, in a matter of speaking.
     Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that my home is not a God filled environment, or that God is somehow less present here than at school. What I'm saying is that over the last few months I've gotten used to being in a place where God is mentioned in nearly every conversation, a place where the purpose is to live and learn in a God driven environment. So, coming home I've been forced to rely on my own troubled devices to stay with God, no longer being told by teachers to read my bible.
     Before God I was a distraught creation, always fighting with people, and getting into things I shouldn't. Though, when I found God these things either lessened or went away completely. As my relationship has grown with Christ, I've required more and more of Him to go on day by day. Needless to say, I've become to reliant on others to continue my growth in Christ; I've crossed the danger line.
     This is an area you never want to enter. Yes, if you are being mentored or discipled by someone, some reliance is to be expected, but it should never interrupt your life with Jesus away from that person.  WARNING! This is not an article telling you to become self-reliant in your spiritual growth! This is, however, a post telling you to become reliant on the Savior for your growth. Christ wants to stay near you, and He will run the worlds length to catch you before you fall. You know what this takes, right? Prayer. No matter the circumstance, if you pray, God will answer for He answers all prayers. If you keep contact with Christ, you will feel a passion within you grow white hot until you can't survive unless you drink in His holy word.
     So, if you leave here with anything, please leave with this: Jesus loves you more than all worldly objects. His love for you is unending and unknowable. He will sprint, full-tilt all 24,901 miles (or 40,075 km if you're reading outside of the US) just to catch you before you fall. All you have to do is pray and He'll be by your side.

My Sitcom Ending.

     As I finish watching all eight (let's not acknowledge the ninth) seasons of Scrubs I find myself thinking about my life and sitcoms. Every sitcom ends the same, doesn't it? There's one final problem that needs overcoming, everyones lives settle into anew, and the characters move on, allowing the audience to image what might happen next. There are very few shows that leave me thinking at the end, but Scrubs is one of them. You come into the show with most of the group not knowing one another, they form a strong bond, go through turmoil, then move on. Isn't this what we all want?
     We go through our lives, building relationships and watching our lives move from one event to another, but we don't have the same ending, do we? We would love that ending where everything settles down and the audience can just image the end, but we don't get it.
     The basis of a sitcom is a half hour segment into the lives of some fictional characters as they go through a time in their lives worth watching. They grow, then move on. In this half hour, we are thrown through emotional loops. We laugh, we cry, we sit on the edge of our seats. Some people say not to measure ourselves up to tv shows as not to measure ourselves up to the unrealistic, but there is a certain measure to which I believe you can.
     I propose living our lives as if it were in half hour segments. Live each moment packed with as much excitement for life as possible. No, it's not safe to measure ourselves up to some of the romantic relationships or problem solutions, but to live life with the idea that each half hour is just as important as the last is very important. I love sitcoms because they are loose hearted segments of time where you get a view of an obviously simpler life.
     When they end it's always a sad ordeal though because it's usually an attempt at tear jerking as well as the end of an era. I would like a sitcom ending for my life. I would like to get to a point in my life where ending an era becomes that big of a deal. A point in my life where my relationships are strong enough that it hurts to leave. But...we cannot all have that kind of ending. It's not always possible. It is possible if you live by loving people, as if every moment matters, and don't worry about the little things. We all want our sitcom ending.


P.S. If you didn't get it, the title of this post is an allusion to how every Scrubs episode is named.

Where Have The Years Gone?

     As I sit here, bored, on my winter break away from college I find myself reminiscing about the years that have passed me by. It seems like only yesterday I was the chubby nerdy kid, freaking out about going from 8th grade to being a freshman in high school. I had the first girlfriend I had ever had, I had a strong group of friends who were big into music like me, and I was terrified about changing in the locker room at school. So much has changed.
     I wasn't really a Christian then, and it showed. I was angry with everyone at home, always looking for an argument, and everywhere else I was simply stubborn--that though has carried through the years. But as the years continued I found God and so on...
     I've been looking though old photos, reliving memories of years past and it has kind of been driving me insane to be honest. I look at photos of friends I don't keep in contact with anymore and friends I do. I see how much people have changed. I have friends who went from being that oddball Emo kid to one of the most popular kids by the end of school. Friends whose only difference from then to now is how long their hair cut is. I have friends I used to count among some of my closest, but choices we made on just what classes to take brought us apart. Then I have friends I still love from school, and those who I have made this year that I hope never to grow from.
     It's weird looking back at change, but you never quite realize where you are now without looking at where you've been. We all go through so much in our lives, but we rarely stop to look at the change, choosing to just continue on our own paths. I understand that there is no point in living in the past, however, there is a lot to be gained from taking a moment now and again to look back and see how you've grown. I encourage you to do so. Look back. Not for long, just to see how the road looks behind you.

STATUS UPDATE!!!

     HEY! I thought it'd been awhile since I posted anything regarding where I'm heading in life so here's my status update. I'm on the track to graduate from Peninsula High School in about 3 weeks with the class of 2012 (they saved the best for last). Next year I shall be attending Multnomah University for a double major in Music Ministry and Biblical Theology with one of my best friends. OH! And I was hired at Miracle Ranch for my second summer! This summer I'll be hired/paid College Staff working as the Paintball Supervisor; that should be fun. Anywho, that's what's been going on in my life. Thanks supporting my blog guys!

Josh Lewis- Musicman

Y.O.L.O.F.O.G.

     Now, you're probably wondering what the acronym Y.O.L.O.F.O.G. stands for. I'm going to naturally assume that you've heard the acronym Y.O.L.O, which stands for "You Only Live Once." Well, Y.O.L.O.F.O.G. means pretty much the same thing, except not really. This acronym, coined by yours truly, stands for "You Only Live Once For Our God." I thought of it while on the long drive home after a Mens' retreat I was invited to with a couple guys from church. The whole weekend we talked about the war that rages stronger now than ever between God and the world. It was a long and sometimes brutal talk, but the truth is, the war rages on and the only was to stop it is to rescue people for the kingdom of God and His army.
     Now, you could go around making stupid decisions claiming "Y.O.L.O." every time, but what's the point? You only live once? That's your reason? I can almost guarantee that you won't feel that way if someone gets seriously injured or pregnant. And what's the point? It's a selfish existence. YOU only live once? Isn't the point of life to live for more than just yourself? Isn't the only way to truly live for others to live for God?
    We only live once, so why not live for the man who gave His life so that you may live period. You only live once, no, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE FOR OUR GOD.

High School: "The Glory Days" (A.K.A. What I've "Known")

     For this post I'd like to back way up to 7th grade for a bit. Back in March of 2007 I had finally figured it all out, I knew where I was going. I KNEW I was going to be a professional clarinetist. I KNEW I was going to attend the Peabody Conservatory of Music for a double major in composition and performance on clarinet and a minor in conducting. I KNEW I was going to go to the State Solo and Ensemble Contest my freshman year. Isn't it funny what we know?
     In the car ride home I began reminiscing about the last four years of my life and how I've changed. I've always been a pretty mature person, so I never imagined that I could get much more mature. When I began my freshman year at Peninsula High School I was the chubby kid that, though he had his little group of friends, didn't really fit anywhere in particular. I was shy around people I didn't know and obsessed with music, the unpopular kind. I had been one of four freshman to make into the schools top wind ensemble, and to top it off the only one of the now only six people in the last four years who made it in on such a popular instrument as clarinet. I spent most of my time practicing rather than out with friends. I had jet black hair, fake of course. I was a bit overweight. I listened to jazz and band music in my free time. I didn't feel quite adequate. Little did I know that the next four years would be the defining moments of my yet short life.
     The summer before I had gotten my first girlfriend, and that, sad to say, started everything. That year I kept listening to jazz, but I found that I wasn't the only one. I cut out the black hair. Oh, and I lost 60 pounds. I made it into the top jazz band on 2nd Tenor Sax, subbing also as 2nd Alto in the bottom jazz ensemble. I also began my first year in the Tacoma Youth Symphony Association playing 2nd clarinet in the Tacoma Debut Orchestra. Music had literally become my life, everything good had come from music so far. But it was just an avenue. Oh, and did I mention that I was now half deaf?
     That summer I went to my second (after having had ear surgery a couple weeks previous) Evergreen Music Festival (for TYSA) and had the time of my life, meeting some of the best friends and best musicians I've ever known. Unfortunately while there my appendix ruptured and I had my first, and hopefully last, battle with death and pain. I was told the following monday after my rush to surgery that if I had waited another day I would have died. Fun stuff. I missed both weeks of band camp, which wasn't good because I had also been made the new clarinet section leader for the PHS band. I also had little under 2 weeks and 4 rehearsals to learn a field show that the rest of the band had already learned. But I did it.
     Sophomore I challenged myself with AP Biology, but failed terribly. My life was on the rocks. I was no longer practicing much because my head had swelled. And my precious relationship was in tatters. Well, as you can probably guess, it ended. It was rough, my first breakup. But being stupid as I now realize I was, I jumped into another relationship which would actually change my life for the better. That year was my second year in the Tacoma Youth Symphony Association and on top of that, I had skipped a group and jumped the the second highest group. At PHS I was now Lead Tenor Sax in jazz band and principal clarinet in the symphonic band. The highlight of my year being that with my family and new girlfriend watching I had soloed with trumpet virtuoso, Wayne Bergeron--who can be heard in such movie scores as 2009's hit Star Trek and Pixars superhero hit, The Incredibles--with the PHS Jazz Band, May 15th, 2010. The end of that year was spectacular.
     That summer I travelled to Washington DC with the Peninsula High School Marching Band to march in the Independence Day Parade, had my second ear surgery, and spend three days on Orcas Island with my girlfriend as a sympathy trade from her parents for her having been working at Miracle Ranch most of June and July. It was a great summer.
     Junior year began rocky and didn't really get better until the end. I'll just run over a bit of it: I was no longer section leader, I still held my Lead Tenor position in jazz, and was still 1st clarinet, I dropped Tacoma Youth Symphony in exchange for a change of scenery, subsequently joining the Puget Sound Youth Wind Ensemble, oh, and I endured my second break up. Junior year kind of passed in a flash. It was good and bad rolled into one confusing torrent that leaves my mind wondering what exactly possessed me to do what I did. The really important stuff begins in March of 2011. My girlfriend and I broke up to my shock and dismay. Before this however she had convinced me to do something I didn't think I would ever do, something I did I believe just to make her happy: I applied to her alma matter, Miracle Ranch. Then I forgot about it. We broke up, kept talking, considered getting together again, and kinda just repeated the motions. I went to my interview in april for Miracle Ranch, there meeting someone who shocked me by shouting my name (forewarned by my girlfriend) as my first introduction to ranchers, my resident jewish friend, a friend I haven't seen in forever, and someone else a camper claimed I liked. Oh, and someone I would try to avoid. I was floored. In a year I had gone from just absent-mindedly believing in God to applying to a christian camp, and I was enjoying every second. I didn't hear back from them until June 6th, I was on edge the entire time. My boss called me in for a second interview and hired me on the spot two weeks before I was supposed to start. That summer changed my life.
     Do you remember everything I "knew" in seventh grade? None of it mattered. I barely practiced, music took a back seat. I worshiped every night, now the kid infront getting other kids involved rather than the guy awkwardly standing in the back. I danced around on stage. I made friends that I'm convinced will be my closest friends till I die. Everything I knew was forgotten, who I had once been was pushed aside as I realized what I had once taken for granted. God was here, in my life the whole time, guiding me along as my silent shepherd until I was bowing before his throne. I had more fun in two months than I could have imagined. It literally changed my life. I was doubting myself for all the right reasons. Did I want to be a musician? Did I want to stand on stage just to entertain people for personal reasons? Or did I want to make a difference?
     At the end of the summer I picked up a position helping to grow my churches youth group, now leading worship for a bunch of middle school-freshman aged kids. I've been doing that since October. In October also our marching band won 2nd place out of 15 bands at the Peninsula Classic Marching Band Competition and 3rd (correct me if I'm wrong) overall at the Tumwater Marching Band Competition even after our now well known band director for my first three years (though four years in total), Rickey Badua, left to pursue his doctorate and we were now under new leadership. I was made Lead Alto Sax in the jazz band and section leader once again. I had dropped PSYWE in place of a paying job as a Dinning Room Assistant at Miracle Ranch. For the first time in high school I've been single the entire year. In January I had my chance finally to audition (now for a music education degree rather than performance) for the Peabody Conservatory of Music, but I didn't go. It wasn't important. I had planned on applying to six schools (Peabody, PLU, UPS, CWU, Multnomah, and Northwest Christian), I applied to two, Multnomah and PLU, and got accepted to both; year before when I decided I wanted to teach I had decided PLU, but then switched to Peabody, then neither. I no longer had any interest in a degree in instrumental music, though music is still who I am. I'm attending Multnomah University this coming year for a double major in Music Ministry and Biblical Studies. I'll be moving to Portland at the end of August after my second year of camp, this time applying for High School Leader and Music Lead.
     I think we make plans when we're young so that we have some sense of purpose, but then life changes. I'm no longer the timid freshman, or even the cocky sophomore, or the stupid junior. I'm not even the person I was at the beginning of the year. Change is fickle friend, sometimes it can catch you of your guard, but it's times like those where you have to rely on God, I know that now. Over the years there have been many times where I've wanted to shout to the heavens "GOD! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!" But I don't, because I know now that God will never leave me. He brings you to trouble to learn; God will bring you, but he'll also carry you through.
     I guess what I'm saying here is that plans never met aren't necessarily broken promises or goals I've never met, it just means that on the way there I decided I'd rather not go, and instead took another road. Did you see that I never went to State? Never, I made it my goal each year, but I always had some seniors above me or I just wouldn't practice enough. I'm not a performance major at Peabody either. Instead I'm the dedicated christian that has devoted his life to ministry. I look back now and realize that every moment in my life has been just another stepping stone, and they were all important. I regret nothing, because if I had done things differently, I wouldn't be who I am now. Sure, there are things that I wish I hadn't done, I may regret them, but in a small way I'm happy I did them because I could grow from them. Now is the time to move forward. Life and God move every minute closer to the next change in my life and I cannot wait. I've loved every second of pain and happiness, and I've loved every person involved. It's hard to believe that I could have changed that much in just four years; and if I changed that much, think about yourself? How have you changed?

   
With that I have but one last thing to say: 

     I'm ready to follow now, God. 

     I'm Yours. 

     

I'm No Superman

     I would like to start off this post quoting Lazlo Banes' famous song "Superman;" you've probably heard it if you've seen the hit TV show Scrubs, and if you haven't it doesn't matter. Anyway, there are two specific lines in the chorus I would like you to hear, they go:

"Cause I know I can't do this on my own; no, I know...

I'm No Superman" 

     While in the song Bane is talking about himself needing the object of the song, some random girl, I take it as something else. To me in everyday life it's a plea to God that we can't go on alone, that yes we can take care of ourselves from the outside looking in, but inside we are a stormy ocean. There are those people out there that seem content with worldly possessions, they seem happy, but the happiness doesn't last because while the world may die around us (figuratively), God will never leave our side. There will come a time in your life where you'll get stuck in a rut and need His help. We were made to love Him and He loves us because He created us. We are Gods children, and as a parent wants to help their child, God wants to help us.
     Today in church our pastor actually decided to change it up a bit and invited our oldest church members up to share their stories. I've always been really interested in hearing the stories of my elders and this was no different. There was one piece of advice they told the entire church that will live with me forever:

"In the end, only the things we do for Christ matter."

Lakebay Community Church Member. 

     Just remember, when you're feeling low, God is there because guys...

you're no superman either. 

Names!

     I finally named my clarinet! His name is Jacque! I figured, well, he's french, being  Buffett R-13 (obviously french since it was built in France), so he should have a French name. I think it's a good, fitting name for this wooden masterpiece. So, from this point on he shall be dubbed JACQUE! Now onto more pressing matters, what should I name my sax? Soprano, Alto, and Tenor. So that's three names for three unnamed brass beasts. Little help? Any suggestions would be just peachy.

My Late New Years Revolution

     So recently I came to the difficult conclusion that I'm out of shape. Not to say I'm fat, I'm just out of shape. In order to battle this epidemic of mine I've decided to pick up one of the most unoriginal New Years Resolutions ever: to jog/lose weight/"tone," or whatever you wanna call it. Anywho, I've recently picked up jogging; nothing too long, cause I've never been much of a long distance runner, but down to the main road and back. I've realized that this can have multiple benefits including, but not limited to helping with my breath support when playing my instruments. I see it as hitting two birds with one stone. So this also goes out to those of you who don't take the time to jog, or think that you're in shape so why go out? But hey, any sort of exercise may serve more than one purpose, so you should ask, why not? And also, to you guys out there, also helps with them girls.
     You may have also noticed that in my title for this post I put it as "My Late New Years Revolution." Well, this was actually a bit of a coincidence. When I was typing out the title I accidentally put Revolution rather than Resolution. But this little slip of the finger may have been exactly what I was going for because you see, I have never been one for jogging, running sure, I love racing, or...pretending like someone is trying to kill me (see "The War Against Reality") or whatever, but never jogging for joggings sake. That is the reason I see this as more of a revolution than a resolution, because I can make all the resolutions I want, but when you say you're making a revolution it just adds a bit of finality to it that demands change, you know? Of course you do!

The War Against Reality.

     I believe that every person, at least every man, is born with this innate desire for adventure. It's part of what we call an imagination, but it's what drives us to create superheroes and alter egos. We read these great tales of adventure such as Harry Potter or see shows like Avatar: the Last Airbender, and we just think it's cool, they're fun to watch, but doesn't it bring a little glimmer to your heart? Aren't they a reminder of what we used to be?
     I believe people write books about fantastical adventures and stories because of this desire for adventure. These tales aren't just whims of the imagination, but what they had hoped would happen as a child; maybe they didn't openly tell their parents oh I hope to receive a letter today saying I'm a wizard or attempt to convince themselves that a Jedi Master would come and select them as the next to join the ranks of that ancient group of peace protectors, but these are maybe the subconscious reflections of what they played in their backyards as children.
     These are the dreams we have. As kids we try to live these amazing journeys, knowing all along that they aren't real, but praying that they might one day become so. As we grow however the little child we are born with slowly backs off to let us live our lives without disturbance, he's still there, but he isn't pushing us to pursue what we now believe impossible. Our childhood imagination is replaced by what we've dubbed Reality.
     Some of us still hold this "inner child" in our minds. I see movies like Star Wars and trailers for the new movie John Carter (based off a book I recently started reading, A Princess of Mars) and I remember this desire for adventure. It's who I am. I'm now 18 and I still hold fast what I did as a child. I'm not insane, I just want a full life. I want to wage war on "reality," because where do dreams come from if not from imagination? Allow your inner child to flourish. Adventure happens when we let it. I'm not suggesting delusions of grandeur, but letting yourself fulfill your dreams. When you tell yourself that you can't, that's when you can't. That's when you've truly let go and when reality has its greatest hold.
     So that's why I say let reality have it's cake, but know that you can have yours. Smile and let go; wage the war against Reality because life without imagination and adventure just doesn't seem worth it. Live life; you only have one, so make every moment as fun as you possibly can.

Jobs, Scholarships, College, and Life...

     I JUST FINISHED MY SCHOLARSHIP PORTFOLIO!!! I'm one step closer to GRADUATION!!! I realized yesterday that the only college I've completely applied to in full is Multnomah University, which happens to be where I wanna know, so may God provide! I also applied to Miracle Ranch awhile ago, and I'm excited! I can't wait for this summer! It's gonna be amazing! I hope I get accepted. I applied for worship/music lead and High School Lead, both of which are leadership and I've only been there a year, so wish me luck! If you have anything going on in your life also you'll be in my prayers, good luck with your life's endeavors!